Wednesday, February 14, 2007

To All the Girls I've Loved Before
Conclusion

I've told the story of meeting FoxyJ on my mission, then courting her when we came home. Some of the elements of previous installments in the saga of my interaction with girls play out in this one as well: the decision to like her was somewhat of a conscious decision, and as with Red, I prayed to receive confirmation that I should marry Foxy long before we were at that point in our relationship, or even had a relationship to speak of. The reasons I decided to like FoxyJ, though, unlike Dandypratt's sister or Shannadoodah, were not founded in people or situations surrounding her but in Foxy herself. I loved that Foxy was incredibly intelligent and committed to the gospel. I loved that she had a good sense of humor--for example, she was known in the mission for winning burping contests with elders.

I return to the story of our courtship frequently, looking--as in the case of "Getting Out"--for evidence of God's approval of our marriage or--when I'm seeking excuses to get out in the more obvious sense of the phrase--for evidence of God's disapproval. It's easy, for example, to see what I interpreted as personal revelation as the result of my own neuroses fueled by years of Mormon brainwashing. I need to remind myself in both cases that none of this matters. Whether I chose to marry Foxy because an angel appeared to me and told me to do so or because the devil made me, ultimately the choice was mine and I made it. Success or failure will not come because of something I felt or didn't feel five years ago, but by what Foxy and I choose to do today. We will stay together because we choose to work through the weaknesses in our marriage and build on the strengths, or we will not stay together because we choose not to.

Today we choose to stay.

5 comments:

Melyngoch said...

I love you guys.

Anonymous said...

ummmm, OK

G'pa Bob said...

"Because we choose to" is the real, ultimate, and most wonderful answer.

TutuKea said...

I think that's called 'taking RESPONSIBILITY for your own choices'. Very well put.

Julie said...

It's the same in any marriage relationship, there are always challenges, even if they are very different than yours. So you stay and you do everything you can to make it work because that's what you promised to do.