Blog Party! Now in English!

Who: YOU!

What: Party!

When: Saturday, August 8th, 5:30pm!

Where: Here! (Comment or email for directions.)

Why: Chocolate fondue!

Blog Party Forever

Mr. Fob and FoxyJ
are pleased to announce
the marriage of

THEIR NEW HOME
to
YOU,

child of Mr. and Mrs. Fobcave Reader.
This blessed union will be solemnized and consummated on

Saturday,
August 8th, 2009,
at
5:30pm
in
Orem, Utah.

RSVP to bgchristensen(at)gmail(dot)com for directions and to volunteer to bring a potluck item.

In lieu of a wedding gift, please consider donating to the
Equal Marriage Rights for Human-Real Estate Couples Fund.

Fob Bible Release Party Recap

Thanks to those of you who stopped by the party. To those of you who didn't make it, you can still relive the fun here. The highlights of the party were live readings of a few excerpts from the Fob Bible, which I'll happily repost for you here.

FoxyJ reading "Capitulation: Forbidden Squirming" by A. Arwen Taylor:



Me reading an excerpt from "The Changing of the God" by B.G. Christensen:



Eric reading "Them Bones Them Bones Gonna -- Walk Around (a bar song)" by Theric Jepson:



Lady Steed reading "Philistina" by Danny Nelson:



Me reading "Wings" by Sarah E. Jenkins (sorry, Sarah, I'm not a great poetry reader):



And finally, Eric reading the illustration captions as if they all go together in a long, nonsensical story:



Now that we've whetted your appetite, buy the book!

Ere you left your computer this evening...

Did you think to stop by the Foblog after 6PM PDT to check in on our Fob Bible Release Party and say hi? (Click the link Foblog link to sign up for an email reminder.)

Also, don't forget to pre-order your copy of the Fob Bible!

Fob Bible Goodness

The Fob Bible will be released on June 1st and is now available to pre-order. Whether you order because you want to see Old Testament stories as envisioned by literary geniuses, because you don't want to feel guilty next month when I ask you what you think of it, or because you want to donate money to the LDS Humanitarian Fund, rest assured that you're making the world a better place for you, me, and poor kids in Africa.

To celebrate, we'll be throwing a release party this Friday, May 29th, at 6pm PDT. Can't make it to the Fobcave in Davis, CA? No problem. Pop into the Foblog sometime Friday evening, see what's going on via liveblogging, say hi via comment, and pour yourself a glass of sparkling cider to celebrate with us.

Cheers!

A QUOTIDIAN BOOK OF SCRIPTURE
CONTAINING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO,
THE JUICIEST PORTIONS OF THE
OLD TESTAMENT

—sans, for obvious reasons, Judges 19—

translated through means of memory and nightmare
out of the pre-translated tongues (being mainly English):
and with the former translations ignored,

or—in special cases—
dictated but not read,

by His Fobbiness’s
special command, in perpetuity,

worlds with very definite (and sometimes good-looking) ends,
albeit of a feminist bent in places,
with far too many references to behemoths and leviathans,
and thus, being indebted to the grace of your most gracious progenitrix,
published in the year of the FOB seven
(using the Jepsonian calendar for its ease of dates).

Fully Authorized Fob Version

The Dark Fob (Blog Party in the Park)

I've been slow on announcing this here, but the other day FoxyJ announced* a blog party we'll be having this coming Monday at Kiwanis Park in Provo. It'll be at 5:30pm and if you're reading this you are invited. Feel free to comment and let us know what kind of food you want to contribute to our potluck, or just surprise us if you're into that sort of thing.



*DISCLAIMER: The blog post I linked to above contains a continuity error. It has not in fact been two years since our last blog party. Last summer's party at Brozy and Bawb's house has not been retroactively removed from Fob continuity. Yet. Watch for next summer's crossover extravaganza, Crisis on Infinite Fobs.

Eleven Things I Learned at Last Night's Blog Party

1. Besides the Blood family's general hospitality and good nature, their home includes the following features that make for an ideal Blog Party location:
   
1. A dog to distract the little Fobs.
2. Cookbooks to keep the conversation going.
3. A Wii to distract the grownup Fobs.
   
2. Everything is curry.
3. After eight years of school and a master's degree, FoxyJ has found her true calling: cow racing.
4. It's fun to have children at a party, but it's even more fun when after a couple hours and they're getting cranky you can send them home with your sister.
   
5. Darrin and Samantha Stevens are even more delightful in real life than they are in the blogosphere. Enough so to keep us standing in the street talking for two hours after we decided it was really late and we should get home and in bed.
   
6. In a room with three married couples--one married for more than twenty years--the two most compatible Bungee Buddies, as determined by advanced supercomputer technology, were two guys who'd never met before: Iwonder and Edgy Killer Bunny. Go figure.
7. Although they may appear different on paper, Absent-minded Secretary is actually pronounced identically to Darrin and Playasinmar.
8. Assigning random Wii names to a group of ten people who don't all know each other very well and already have two names each can be rather confusing.
   
9. Playa spends way too much time practicing dance moves with his Wii.
10. According to Attemptingthepath, even the Lord's Bookstore can have server problems.
    
11. I am the master of electric hockey. Even when I lose.
    

Countdown

3... Tomorrow morning we leave for Utah. However bad your day is, just remember that Foxy and I are in a car with two small children for thirteen hours. It'll make you feel better, I promise.

2... On Thursday we'll recover (hopefully).

1... Friday FoxyJ officially becomes Master Foxy. Hurray!

0... And Saturday is the blog party! 5:00 in Provo! Food! Double hurray! It's not too late to email me for the top secret address.

Blog Party Returns

A NOTE ON CONTINUITY: Blog Party Returns takes place a year and a half after the events of Blog Party II. Blog Party III and Blog Party IV are no longer considered canon--in effect, they never happened. Blog Party is still in continuity, as is Blog Party II, but Blog Party Returns assumes that events transpired as portrayed in the director's cut, not the original version.

On the evening of Saturday, August 18th, the Fob family will be throwing a blog party at an as-yet-undisclosed location in the state of Utah (probably either in Provo or Salt Lake, but we're considering Hurricane since it's such a happening place). We would like you (yes, you) to come. If you would like to come, email me for the details. (If you've already emailed FoxyJ about coming to said party, rest assured we'll be getting in touch with you in the next couple weeks, as details solidify.)

The Blog Party

A success, I think. (Take that, Superman and Jaws!) Last time I benefited from Th. being in town and everyone coming to meet him, and this time I benefited from Tolkien Boy leaving town and everyone coming to say goodbye to him. It's nice to have friends who are so well-liked (and for good reason, I might add). As far as I could tell, none of the people who came to see Th. or TB were opposed to seeing me too, so I can't complain.

People who need to be added to my "Fobs Who Have Attended a Blog Party" list (when I have time to make changes):

Rachel
Skylark
Marcia
Optimistic

People who I would add if they had blogs (and I knew of them):

James (who has a blog but doesn't write on it)
Lika and Baby K
Ron and Marybeth
Dec
The nice girl who was with the group that stayed after everyone else left
The girl who arrived with Optimistic
Melyngoch's and my friends from the Morris Center
The guy who came to buy our dresser

(Have I forgotten anybody? Tell me quickly so I can fix it before anyone notices.)

I would have done a live blogging thing so everyone could report on the party as it happened, but we sold our desk this morning, so our computer is precariously perched on a pile of boxes, and our apartment is generally a big mess.

As I was telling Absent-minded Secretary tonight, seeing all these friends together made me sad to think that I'm leaving. I hope we can all still read each other's blogs, even if it takes a few more milliseconds for the electrons to get to Utah from Seattle. And there will, of course, be blog parties in Seattle. All are invited.

13 More Reasons to Come to Tonight's Blog Party

• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles I & II on VHS
• Batman Forever on VHS
• A marble
• A jumprope
• A broken camera
• A full set of DC superhero trading cards
• 3 condoms (unused, expiration date 12/06)
• The Critical Experience (textbook)
• Strength Training (textbook)
• Dallas Cowboys mug
• 2 frog keychains
• 2 Easter baskets
• A very tacky music box
  

If You're Still Not Sure You Want to Come to the Blog Party

Just look at how much fun everyone had last time. (You can see it in their eyes.)

Who is Invited to the Blog Party?

Relation to me: If you are reading this, or you know someone who is reading this, or you know someone who knows someone who is reading this, you are invited. Sorry, I won't accept any guests above the third degree of separation (Will Smith and Kevin Bacon be damned).

Gender: Male, female, or any combination thereof.

Race: Black, white, yellow, or brown. No purple people. I hate purple people.

Religion: Muslims, Hindus, Christians, Jews, and atheists are welcome. Zoroastrians must first be cleared by me. Agnostics can leave their indecision at the door.

Sexuality: Gay, straight, or bi. Please, no bestiosexuals. That's just gross.

Height: Everyone's welcome, but I do like tall people better than short people.

Weight: I'm not going to touch this one.

Age: 0-99. In past blog parties, we have had S-Boogie and the Big O representing the 0 side of the range, and Edgy Killer Bunny and Th. closer to the 99 side, and have thus far avoided any age-based conflict.

Marital status: Here at the Fobcave we welcome singles, marrieds, and all degrees of sinful livers between the two.

Musical preference: Must be willing to tolerate the music of the Fob household, which includes a variety of artsy hip-hop, folk, soul, reggae, rock, gospel, and Moulin Rouge!

Proximity: Come on, folks, I've had people drive from California and fly from Indiana, just to come to a blog party and show love for Master Fob. What's your excuse?

Blog Party IV (because it worked so well for Superman and Jaws)

The time has come, my friends, for the last Fob blog party in Utah. So unless you want to drive to Seattle for the next one (or even if you do), plan on coming to the Fobcave on Labor Day Monday, September 4th, between 5 and 8pm. If you don't know where the Fobcave is, email me for directions. We will provide pizza and paper goods. Please sign up in the comments section to bring:

• drinks
• fruits or veggies
• salad
• dessert
• other

And while you're at it, please bring boxes, as we'll be moving five days later. FoxyJ suggests that we have a raffle that evening to give away refrigerator items, including such fabulous foodstuffs as:

• a four-year-old bottle of A1
• freezer-burned hot dog buns
  
• one pound of frozen yeast
• three half-used bottles of Hersheys syrup (two chocolate and one strawberry)
• a very large jar of dill pickles

If that doesn't convince you, I don't know what will. See you on Labor Day.

Party Blog

Right now, this very minute, the blog party is happening. Where are you? Just to make you wish you were here even more than you already did, we're going to have various and sundry blog party attendees say various and sundry interesting things:

editorgirl: Shouldn't that read "editorfob"? Or am I the only one who realizes how Master Fob has appropriated our nyms? So. . . various and sundry. . . various and sundry. . . oh, hell, this is too much pressure, so I'm just going to say "Hi Mom" and "You love me! You really love me!"

thmazing: All is not well at the blog party. Here I am, typing in the intimacy of the Mr and Mrs Fob's bedroom, while out in the living room, further details are being arranged regarding the offing of JK Rowling. I suspect that certain persons attending this party have already been offed in preparation for this grand offing. I look around me, but no longer do I see dear friends such as Daltongirl and Daltonboy, Lola and the Marchioness, Bawb and Brozy, Edgy and Absent. Where have they gone?!?! What assurance can I be given that I am not next?!?! I haven't felt the same since I put on my jacket and it was filled with orange seeds. What ominous symbolism might they hold? How can I know tmzzzyjhokl

Tolkien Boy: Sandwiched as it is between two of my finals, it seems impossible to believe that Master Fob's party could be anything but the riotous, drunken melee that it is. Or perhaps it isn't, because the most exciting beverage served was Orangina, a delightfully frothy drink that seems to be the unholy lovechild of Florida Orange Juice and Sprite. It has, as it proudly proclaims, its own pulp, and that of course has set the tenor for our conversations this evening: sweet, carbontated, and pulpy.

In other news, reports of my systematic slaughter of party-goers have been mostly exaggerated. I did kill one person, but I was provoked. Everyone else, I just kicked their shins.

Asmond: I now join this cloak and dagger assembly, and pray that the souls of those who manage to escape this property are not darkened too black by the hours. Th wanted to know what dire portent the orange seeds did foretell, and I shall elucidate, the seeds are a symbol of birth and life, the orange-reminiscent of fire. Together these foul omens become the effigy of a conflagration. Who will die next in its foul flames?

I am in the Fobcave... and I'm writing on Master Fob's blog. This is a surreal experience! You should see it, this dark damp cave. There are bats hanging from that bar in the closet. There's this great big computer place where Batma--Master Fob analyzes... things... And there's a party in the other room. People are just sitting there chatting it up while I hide in this dark cave deep below the earth. Or not. Perhaps I'm just sitting here not knowing what to type in a rather pleasant room in a rather pleasant house with lots of magazines and books and cool people. In any case I'm having a great time! :)
-JB

Hap! Hap!
-Lunkwill

Nocturne~ Why do I feel like I have suddenly been transported into an Agatha Christie mystery? Well, I was the one done away with by Tolkien Boy. As I suspected, it wasn't just about the chicken fingers. So, after exposing Tolkien Boy as an effeminateVirgil he slit me open in a very Dantesque fashion. It was messy. I'm now going to go clean up the Fobkitchen. I hope I have made you all sufficiently jealous that you missed out on this super stupedously wonderful party and Tolkien Boy's one-and-only killing spree.

kirsa: I have the urge to admit to editing someone else's comment above, but I'm afraid I might perish in unquenchable flames were I to do so (does that count as subjunctive?) and due to my desire to survive long enough to get married in a week and a half (it's very difficult at this point in the party to avoid making dirty jokes after a comment like that) I will instead sit passively and NOT admit to editing anything, ever. And now you can all wonder about whether I did or did not edit anything, and my nefarious (and no longer secret) purpose will have been successfully accomplished (better than accomplishing a porpoise).

Mike (vengance.net): And suddently, a large sea dragon crashed through the window, and flooded the entire apartment. Each man left to himself, the women banded together and formed a large bunker. The photographer never stopped, and the lion was eating all the mosquitos.

Speaking about Annie, I wish I knew more of these people here, but can only wish that someday, in the far, far future, things will work out for them. As for me, I'm off to Jamaica, and having finished finals, I couldn't feel better.

Lady Steed: Acckk!

The Big O: gggffdddddddddddddddddfddddddddddddddddd dddddddmurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr dsdssazcgjjhfn

Thirdmango: This party started at 5:30. I showed up at 5:30. I was the only punctual one. Those that didn't come, even less punctual then I. It was a fun party, one in which you were missed, and cursed and sacrificed to a Pagan God. If you'd like your soul back, let me know. So as I ponder what else to write, I look around the room and find that Master Fob has such a large comic book collection that it makes me want to become his best friend so that I may read each of these comics. Then I look at his cds, and I suddenly want to borrow a lot of his cds. Then I look at his pushpins...

FoxyJ:I was unaware of any of these nefarious goings on, because I have spent much of this party barefoot and in the kitchen, where I belong. But seriously, I have enjoyed the party and am glad that so many people came and partied with us...

Master Fob again: That's it, folks. Only a few bloggers are left alive, but the party goes on. Those of you who came and left before we started the party blog, feel free to add to this post in the comments section. Those of you who didn't come may comment as well, but only if you do so with a repentant heart and a desire to come next time.

BYOC (as opposed to byuck)

If you have a portable (i.e. lawn or other folding) chair or two, please bring them to the blog party. Wednesday. 5:30 pm. The high's up to 72 now and there's no rain till Friday according to the current fobcast.

Blog Party Countdown: 11 Days

Wednesday, April 26th. 5:30 pm. By reading this you legally and bindingly commit yourself to come.

Blog Party III: The Mother of All Blog Parties

Who: You

When: Wednesday, April 26, 2006 (we're planning this way ahead so you can reschedule finals, get off work, and buy plane tickets to be here)

Where: The Fobcave (if that means nothing to you, email me for directions), in the backyard (weather permitting)

What: A celebration of TOLKIEN BOY'S PENDING GRADUATION and EDITORGIRL'S BIRTHDAY and A CHANCE TO MEET TH., LADY STEED, AND THE BIG O (this is not confirmation of their tentative plan, by the way, but an expression of faith). Lots of yummy food. We'll provide burgers, dogs, and all the other main stuff; if you want to bring something, you're welcome to bring snacks, dessert, or drinks. I'm still waiting to hear back from the Roots, Erykah Badu, the Fugees, and Michel Gondry, but hopefully we'll be filming the forthcoming Master Fob's Blog Party.

Why: Because we like you.

The NEW Blog Party II

Attention, loyal readers:

You are hereby invited to Master and Mistress Fob's second blog party, to be held on Saturday, December 17, 2005 at 7:00 pm at the Fobcave. Dinner will be provided by us. Holiday treats will be provided by you. Entertainment will be provided by S-Boogie. RSVP in the comments section.

Contrary to my previous post, Fob will not be held the same evening as the party, but if you really want us to we will demonstrate the world famous fob-paper-scissors match. And, in lieu of fobbing, I invite attendees to bring and present a piece of holiday poetry (any holiday will do--Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, Atheists Day...). Even if you aren't a poet. But especially if you are, and especially especially if you are a poet known for your public poetry reading skills.

Blog Party II: Fobs United

NOTE: This post is preserved solely for historical purposes. The information in it is entirely inaccurate. Except for the fact that Melyngoch did in fact say six short weeks, not six short weeks and two days.

Attention, loyal readers:

You are hereby invited to Master and Mistress Fob's second blog party, to be held on Thursday, December 15, 2005 at 6:15 pm at the Fobcave. Dinner will be provided by us. Holiday treats will be provided by you. Entertainment will be provided by S-Boogie. RSVP in the comments section.

As per Melyngoch's request, this blog party will be held exactly six short weeks after the last one, and we will honor the day of her birth, which occurred a short twenty-four years and three days before this blog party. I haven't, you know, actually checked with her, but she darn well better be back from Indiana in time to be here.

At 9:15 on this same Thursday night, the next meeting of the world-famous Fob writing group will be held, also in the Fobcave. Depending on how nice you are to Tolkien Boy, editorgirl, and the Marchioness, they just might let you stay to observe the excitement of the rock-paper-scissors match, the thrill of the your mom jokes, and the unending wit and talent of our writing. Or maybe not. I haven't really checked with them, either.