Dear Prop 8,

Please stop using our children to manipulate people. Not just the children you've literally used in your commercials without their parents consent, but also the children of heterosexual couples everywhere you claim to be defending (from a threat that doesn't exist) and the children of same-sex couples who you conveniently sweep aside, lest their existence ruin your argument that gay couples only want marriage for selfish reasons, unlike those selfless heterosexual couples who do it for the children.

Sincerely,

Mr. Fob

Dear Mindy,

Your husband may not be smarter than a fifth grader, but at least he's more fiscally responsible. Even if he did totally ignore you when you told him to go for the million.

And on top of the half a million he got to take home, you'll always have the thirty minutes' worth of video footage staring up your nostrils that some cameraman thought was a good idea. I'm sure you're flattered. :)

Cheers,

Ben

Dear USPS,

If you're going to totally ignore the dates I enter in the date field of the change of address form, how about you just don't put those fields on the form in the first place? Then maybe we wouldn't have problems like FoxyJ's final paycheck being sent to California a month before we get there.

Thanks,

Mr. Fob

Dear The Ram Restaurant & Brewery,

If, despite the fact that you are located all of thirty feet away from student family housing (i.e. where lots and lots of small children live), you feel the need to have a beer garden for every UW football game, with the intent of getting already-irrational football fans stark raving drunk, please keep your drunks caged up until they are sober enough to not throw bicycles into my living room window.

Sincerely,

Mr. Fob

P.S. No, the broken window is not your fault and in fact I have no way of knowing that the culprit was one of your drunks, or even drunk for that matter, but I have to be angry at someone, don't I? And the fact that your drunken football lunatics are still disturbing my peaceful Saturday evening with their yelling and swearing as I write this, you're an awfully convenient target.