On (the lack of) Anonymity

Despite the fact that I stick to the moniker "Master Fob" (which, for those of you who are newcomers here, stands for Friends of Master Fob), I think it's pretty clear that any pretense of anonymity is only that--it's sort of the rules of the game I play, considering that all my blogger friends refrain from using their real names on their blogs. If you're wondering what my real name is, you have only to click here or here.

In a thread on Times & Seasons (thanks to L for the link), I have been praised by some for being open about my sexuality and criticized by a few others for "gambling" not only with my own and my wife's happiness, but also that of our children, not only by choosing to marry and have children in the first place, but also by choosing to go public with the circumstances of our marriage. I knew when I decided to out myself, as it were, that I would get both praise and criticism, though I didn't necessarily want either. Okay, I'll admit the praise is nice, but it's not the point.

I chose to make my sexuality and my decision to marry public, and to attach my name to said sexuality and decision, because I felt that all the issues involved in homosexuality are only made more complicated by the fact that no one talks about them, at least within the framework of the LDS Church and other conservative religious cultures. As long as the only people who talk about being gay are doing so from outside the culture--because their decision to "live a gay lifestyle" necessarily removes them from the culture--those within the culture will continue to believe that homosexuality exists only outside the culture. As long as Mormons believe homosexuality is someone else's problem, they will continue to drive away members of their own faith who don't have the convenience of assuming it is someone else's problem (I am not, by the way, condoning the assumption that homosexuality is in and of itself a problem). And guess what? Those people they're driving away are their own sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, husbands and wives.

Because I have made a life choice that the LDS church approves of, I am in a position where I can speak and faithful Mormons will not immediately tune me out. Like Ty Mansfield, I can tell people I'm gay because, for the most part, even the most conservative of Mormons are not going to condemn me for it as long as I am living a life they approve of. I don't like the fact that most people need to know that you're "on their side" before they'll listen to what you have to say, but it's reality. Once people accept the fact that I'm gay and I'm still a good person, hopefully that will open up to the idea that other homosexuals are good people, even if they might not have made the same decisions I have. At the very least it will force them to acknowledge that gay people exist outside the realm of those distant, shady promoters of the "gay agenda," whatever that is.

I laud people like L, Another Other, Elbow, and Samantha Stevens (I'm feeling lazy so you can check my sidebar for links) who discuss the issues involved in being gay, Mormon, and married from an anonymous vantage point. As I've pointed out to a couple of them, they're able to talk about things with a bit more honesty and candor than I am. For the sake of propriety and pride, I refrain from talking about past or present sins on this blog, as well as the details of Foxy's and my sex life. I don't spend a lot of time talking about the guy I see several times a week who makes me feel giddy to look at, because I don't feel that that would be respectful to my wife (to dwell on it, not to acknowledge it).

I do, however, believe it is important that at least some of us are willing to put our real names and faces out there. Someone needs to say, "Hey, wait a minute, I haven't done anything wrong. Why should I hide? What do I have to hide from?" Hopefully, as more and more of us refuse to hide, fewer and fewer will need to. I take this risk because I want my children to grow up in a world where they know that whatever struggles they have, whatever choices they make, they are not alone and they have nothing to fear.

Am I gambling with the happiness of the people I love most? Yes. But rest assured, my concerned friends, I wouldn't do so unless I believed that someone who knows the outcome of all gambles is on my side.