Decisions

Today I visited the library I worked in for three years. It was wonderful to see many of my friends there and to see the library itself--I love that library. I admired the newly-remodeled wing and caught up on all the gossip. I was happy (and somewhat disappointed) to find both that the library is doing fine without me--not that there was ever any serious doubt that it would, but still one can imagine--and that the library still suffers from all the same problems and silly politics it did for the three years I was there. I still love the library as much as I ever did, but it's so much easier now to see the things about it that made me miserable and would have continued to do so as long as I stayed. I left today feeling nostalgic for all the good memories the library brought me and pleasantly free of regrets over my decision to leave for Seattle.

I wish I could go back in time seven months, to when I was torn over the decision to stay in a place I was very comfortable or leave for something potentially better but terrifyingly unknown, and assure myself that this really would be for the best. I wish all decisions, big and small, could be made with the advantage of hindsight. Making them without it is scary as hell.