I'm writing this post for those of you who might have done a Google search looking for "Ben and Jessie Christensen, that wild and wacky couple I saw on the Fox 13 News segment about married gay Mormons." Those of you who came upon this blog by searching for "rubber pants" can leave now--we're all out.
I am Ben Christensen, and I am a self-identified gay man who has chosen to marry and stay married to a woman. Our choice to get married had something to do with our upbringing in the Mormon faith, which teaches that homosexual behavior is a sin. Ultimately, though, Jessie and I made the decision to marry and to stay married of our own free will and conscience, free of coercion or pressure from the Mormon church. Leaders of the church, in fact, have stressed that marriage should not be seen as a cure for homosexual attraction. I wholeheartedly agree with them on this point. In other words, if you're looking for someone to tell your gay son that he should just marry a woman and everything will be all right, I'm not that person. I believe that those kinds of decisions can only be made by the individual following his or her own conscience; just as I ask that people respect Jessie's and my decision to be married, I respect the decision of my gay friends who have chosen celibacy or same-sex relationships as their road to happiness.
You will notice that this blog is not called the Gaycave and my Blogger ID is not Master Gay (Fobcave and Master Fob are actually references to my writing group, the Friends of Ben). This blog is not about a married gay Mormon, but rather about a man who, among other things, is married, gay, and Mormon. As my wife recently pointed out, part of our point in being public about this detail of our marriage is to show that we are normal people living normal lives. I feel that a blog in which I only write about being gay, then, would defeat that purpose.
However, I'm guessing that if you came looking for this blog because you saw me and Jessie on Fox 13 News, it's not that you were saying, "Gee, I bet that Ben Christensen is a good writer; I'd like to read more about his obsession with Lauryn Hill or his adventures as a Library and Information Science student." For those of you who are looking for information about being gay, Mormon, and married, first I would suggest the essays I wrote for Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought, then a few posts I have written on the topic since then. After that, you may want to check out some of the blogs linked in my sidebar under the heading "Gay Mormon Fobs." Here you will find a broad spectrum of experiences and opinions that will give you a fuller view of the gay Mormon picture than I could by myself.
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PS The Fox 13 News segment will be on tonight (Sunday) at 9 in Utah. This is a preemptive post.
Are you saying then that a person who has a blog entirely about being Mormon and gay is not a normal person living a normal life? You homoMormonophobe!
As I get no TV, let alone Utah TV, I'm sad I'll have to miss your big appearance. Good luck (...or whatever exclamation of support is appropriate for such a time)!
I love how you have to periodically re-introduce yourself to the world. It gives me an excuse to post comments like "You're gay?! Why didn't anyone tell me?!"
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"You're gay?! Why didn't anyone tell me?!"
Katya and Th.--I apologize. It was incredibly despicable and even misogynistic of me to not tell you I was gay before I even met you. I should not have entered into our friendships under false pretenses. In the future, I will wear a pink triangle to avoid any such offenses.
L--You know I hate you and everything you represent. And the news lady tells us the segment will be available on Fox 13's website by tomorrow morning or so.
You're always out of rubber pants.
Again, thanks for putting yourself out there and for not having a big double (triple ?) chin like the other men featured in the spot. Sandy's voice annoyed me and she seemed pretty incredulous when she said anything but her voice especially bugged me when whe accusingly said said "The church was not interested in participating in the discussion of this issue." I think that's pretty much a lie. The church does discuss the issue, just not on tabloid news channels (and FOX is pretty much THE tabloid news channel which is pretty funny cause it makes CNN's half-truth's seem like a refreshing look at reality). But you and FoxyJ were amazing and your kids are adorable and you're from Seattle now which makes me proud. You're right that everyone needs to find their own path and we can't judge. Personally so far my path is different than yours but honestly honestly you looked a lot happier than the guy living alone in his empty house after giving up his family. I'm not sure tearing down a life at 40 to be true to yourself is the quick route to happiness. At some point you just have to settle down and be happy with what you have and start building from there. Good luck to you and the fam.
Why not live your life for you and not what others expect of you? Check out www.affirmation.org and www.gamofites.org. It's not fair to your wife to not be with someone who's into her 100%, emotionally, mentally, physically, AND intimately. Yes, a divorce will bring on alimony, child support, and other issues, but your wife deserves more.
(Oh, I hope you realized that now your story's known throughout the LGBT LDS community worldwide, you are a 'hot topic'.)
Thanks for the kind words, Carlos. I believe I read a similar comment of yours this morning on the Family Fellowship mailing list. You apparently didn't notice, but I have (and have had for over a year) Affirmation linked in my sidebar.
My wife advises that you read her blog before deciding in her behalf what is fair or what she deserves.
Oh, and yes, I'm fairly aware of my hotness. Thanks, though, for pointing it out.
I liked this post. I guess b/c I like your attitude, and that's what you explain here. 'Just wanted to let you know.
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