My Gambling Addiction OR How I Lost All the Money in My Wallet

Last Friday night we stayed at a hotel in Winnemucca. I arrived first, so while I was waiting for Foxy and the kids, I wandered into the casino. I had a dollar in my wallet, and I've always been curious to try a slot machine, so I put the dollar into one. I pressed the button and... lo and behold, I was rewarded with two gold dollar tokens! I decided to be a smart gambler and quit while I was ahead. I had, after all, doubled the money in my wallet.

Then Saturday morning, as I was leaving, I was faced with the choice of turning in the two tokens for two dollars in real money, or trying to win something more worthy of turning in for real money. So I put the two tokens into a slot machine and... I lost.

After driving home from Winnemucca with no money in my wallet, I have learned my lesson: I will never gamble again. Unless, perhaps, I have two dollars in my wallet next time I'm in a hotel in Nevada. That way if I lose the first one I'll have a second to gamble with.

Lessons Learned on FoxyJ's Birthday

1. When your body is not used to eating meat, having a beef and lamb gyro for lunch and then a pizza covered in every kind of pig part for dinner is not a good idea.

2. Costco's meat lovers' pizza has enough meat on it to produce the equivalent of a Hummer in greenhouse gases.

3. Even though you're buying two pizzas and there are three different kinds to choose from, it's okay to just get two of the one you know you like.

Mr. Fob's Bowling Tip #2

If you bring small children with you, don't pay for more than one game.

Mr. Fob's Bowling Tip #1

Take small children with you so no one looks at you funny for using the bumpers.

Today's Life Lesson

This afternoon I was in the kitchen with FoxyJ when a neighbor walked by our dining room window. He was an older man with a little pot belly, and he was wearing a wifebeater. After he passed I turned to Foxy and said, "You know, I can see how a wifebeater on a man who has a nice body could be attractive, in a white trash sort of way, but on an old dude with a poochy tummy sticking out--"

And then I stopped because I looked out the window and there he was, passing by on his way back wherever he'd come from. And the window was open.

Had he heard me talking about him? How embarrassing. What if he thought I was a horrible person? Worse, what if he thought he was a horrible person for having a poochy tummy and wearing a wifebeater? What if he went home and he was so distraught that he actually beat his wife? Who was I to cause such turmoil in this man I'd never met?

And in that moment a heavenly light shone down on me (Foxy had turned on the kitchen light) and I learned an Important Truth: Before you go mocking some stranger who you've no right to judge, be absolutely sure he can't hear you.

Life Lessons: Walking to the Gym

When walking to the gym, I used to walk along the edge of the parking lot. Last week, though, I realized that the edge of the parking lot curves out quite a bit to the right, but the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, so I set my sights on the gym and forged straight through the parking lot. This actually saved quite a bit of time.

Life Lesson #1: Always take shortcuts.

This morning, though, I couldn't see the gym in the distance ahead of me because it was foggy. Luckily I knew where it was because I've been there before.

Life Lesson #2: Always do things you've done before, because you know you can.