Thursday, November 09, 2006

Surnames Part 1 (or 4): Matriarchy

When we got married, FoxyJ took my last name. Just took it. Like a thief. It was mine, and she claimed it as if she had some right to it, as if her position in the matriarchy that is modern American society entitles her to take whatever damn last name she wants. What right, I ask, does she have to steal my identity? Because, do not be mistaken, we're not talking simply about a name here. We're talking about my identity. Everyone knows that one's identity and surname are intrinsically linked, eternally inseparable. Honestly, could you imagine having the same personality, likes, dislikes, passions, hopes, desires, body type and facial structure if you had a different last name? You wouldn't even have the same favorite Backstreet Boy! As the great philosopher Juliet once said, "A rose by any other name would not, dear Romeo, smell the same."

Surely you can see why I'm furious. Did FoxyJ ask me if I wanted to share my identity with her? No. This is why I'm going to have my revenge. I'm going to take her last name. Ha! I bet she and her fellow defenders of matriarchy didn't see that one coming. Serves them right.


Th. said...


Stick it to 'em!

TK said...

Where did you say you're from, Ben? Or should I word that, Ben frome where?

Anonymous said...

When I was a child, I told my dad that I wasn't going to marry anyone that didn't have my last name because I liked my last name better than my first name, and I did want to change it. He told me I was silly, and I got more stubborn about it.

I never thought it might be easier to just keep my name or to ask my hypothetical husband to take on my name. Such feminist ideas had not entered my childlike mind yet.

Now I don't care. Take my name take his name, (as long as his name is not a verb), combine our names,whatever.

Just don't hold me to the first declaration of childhood! Please no!

Melyngoch said...

I think you should actually exchange nyms while you're at it. She can be Master Fox and you can be Fobjy.

Silly Marie said...

In all seriousness, my brother and his wife took each other's names. Now they both are Smith-Waterman.

It works out nicely for them.

Earth Sign Mama said...

I rather liked advancing forward in the alphabet when I married--back in the day. Either way, I've been correcting peoples' spelling of my last name my entire life. both names are quite short and simple but somehow no one wants to just say it like it looks.