20 And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity, and the water of affliction, yet shall not thy teachers be removed into a corner any more, but thine eyes shall see thy teachers:
21 And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.Isaiah 30: 20-21 (KJV)My Lord will provide for you meager bread and scant water. Then your Guide will no more be ignored, but your eyes will watch your Guide; and, whenever you deviate to the right or to the left, your ears will heed the command from behind you: "This is the road; follow it!"Isaiah 30: 20-21 (New JPS Translation,
because sometimes two translations are better than one)
Thanks to everyone who commented on the last post. Katria (whose name I still need to update on my sidebar) makes a great point--the actual interview is not as offensive as the article makes it sound (due, I'm sure, not to any malicious intent on the author's part, but rather to the nature of summarizing). I will freely admit that I was already angry before I read the words of the interview, and that anger colored my perception, so don't assume that I've reported anything accurately or objectively; if you care about Dallin H. Oaks's opinion on homosexuality, go read his words yourself.
The experiences and feelings Mark shared helped me get a little closer to figuring out exactly what I'm feeling, and even Anonymous (who is not as anonymous as he might think he is, thanks to Site Meter, and could learn a thing or two from his fellow commenters on how to disagree respectfully without being confrontational or rude) made a valid point or two, despite his characteristic ability to attribute meaning to my words that I explicitly stated was neither my intention nor my belief.
What I concluded this afternoon is that I attach so much importance to what LDS leaders do or don't say about homosexuality because I have been doing something the LDS church did a good job of teaching me not to--trusting in the arm of flesh. I wanted validation from people who I believed to speak for God; I wanted them to tell me that what I was doing was right, that God approved. This is silly. I know very well that God approves of my choices--or at least I know just as well as anyone can. I don't need an ecclesiastical leader to tell me something I already know. I know I'm on the right path, because at each step, at each turn in the road, I've heard a voice behind me saying, "This is the road; follow it!"
Yes, this is the bed I've made, or rather it's the bed God helped me make. I will gladly sleep in it.
Good night.
9 comments:
Your posts, and your life, make me think a lot. It makes my head hurt sometimes and I never have anything meaningful to contribute to the dialogue. But I am glad to learn from your posts and comments.
I'm glad you got that figured out! I was kind of thinking, okay, You're getting personalized, individual direction from the 'Highest Authority', and you're complaining b/c the '3rd in command', whose job it is to give general direction and guidelines to the general church membership, doesn't give you specific counsel! :)
On top of that, the choices you've made fit within the bounds that the Prophet and the Brethren HAVE given, so for my money, that DOES validate your choices.
In spite of all that, though, it is understandable to want some straight-out validation from other people. And really, I think if you met them in person, they'd give it to you - for all your choices, except maybe your anger. :)
I was just thinking. (Wow! I know.) Wouldn't it be nice if there as a one size fits all solution to all trials, struggles, etc? And maybe this is why all they really say is "I don't know," because everyone deals with things in different ways. Anyway, just a thought, which may or may not be complete.
I wanted to comment on that post, and then I read what that a@$hole "annonymously" wrote and decided I'd better not. Your blog is not a place for me to rip to shreds some jerk who says nasty things to someone who is genuinely struggling so that said jerk gets to preserve werf's view of the world.
As for what you said about Dallin Oaks's statements: the report may have made them sound worse than they were, but they were bad to begin with. What I felt that article said a lot of is "you can't say that we marginalize you and treat you bad while we're doing so, because we say we're not doing it. That means we aren't."
For what it's worth, even if the apostles had been "called of God," they would still view the world through the filters of the culture and family they were raised in. That's unavoidable. I think that's a big part of why the gay rights issues are such an issue right now. When new apostles get in there who were raised in a different world, I like to think that things will change for the better.
Also, for what it's worth, I love that you've done what God wants you to. You've had a lot of courage and done some scary things. I appreciate that you are willing to share that. People who think they ought to do the same thing will be inspired and see that, it's hard sometimes, but it's possible. On the other hand people, like me, who think gay couples should be allowed all the rights and privileges of straight couples, can't help but respect you and FoxyJ and want things to work out for you because of how you've done it and how you've, so tactfully, presented it.
I think that honest people admit that they have not faced every single human issue and so are not experts on every single human issue. The other side of the argument is all those who say "You have no idea...because you do not have my feelings." I think that saying "Individually, I don't know about..." is a fair and honest statement. The statment and position do not preclude one from being able to say "The thing that will bring joy is..."
I still meet individuals who say that depression is only a spiritual issue. It is impossible to convince them otherwise - possibly because they think that the things they do are the things that keep them from being depressed when in reality they to not tend to be depressed. Certainally, some activities help relieve depression but serious trauma plus a genetic tendency will gladly depress anyone (is gladly depress an oxymoron?). And sometimes it takes a long time to recover from trauma. There is a huge chemistry to it. I am not depressed on any large scale but I love some who are and by walking in their shoes I know.
For many years many people taught that a weak will was the reason for not being able to beat addiction. "Just don't do it" was the individual instruction. Now, many recognize that there is a huge chemistry to it. I have been an addict so I know.
There is opposition in all things. From without and from within. But we live on, we battle on. We bear one another's burdens. We hope (with a perfect brightness) for the peace and joy spoken of. No matter what. We know in the surest sense (because of the voice behind us and beside us) that we as friends will hold together.
I've now read the entire interview, and I've read a number of your posts, plus your article on Staying In. From my point of view you are doing exactly what you are supposed to do. What is kind of funny is that the way I read the interview with Elder Oaks and Elder Wickham, they are also saying that you are doing exactly what you are supposed to do.
I know this sounds trite, but I think you are being overly sensitive about what the Church leaders have said, or not said. I'm not blaming you, or saying I wouldn't be as sensitive if I had your trial, but I say that in a way that I hope is a loving and honest evaluation.
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I want a sandwich.
You are one of my heros and I am glad you made the choice to become a member of our family. Never forget that....
I've been thinking a lot about your recent posts while watching General Conference this session, and have also been thinking a lot about my own struggles with depression, and it has been interesting, as I have listened to the talks (I have admittedly been distracted from some of them and have undoubtedly missed some good counsel due to it), how many things I've heard that I have thought apply on so many different levels to so many different people. Some of the talks, of course, have not really been applicable to me right now. But several of them, the speaker has said something, and it has been exactly the sort of thing that I've been figuring out for myself for the past few years about myself and how to deal with life.
I think that the overall church leadership is becoming more accepting of previously very misunderstood issues, and that they're trying hard to adapt and be able to counsel the people as their understanding increases, and it reminds me of my own process of growing up. God certainly hasn't told me everything I need to know all at once, and I don't think He always tells His prophets and apostles all the answers to the questions they ask Him, and so they're limited to acting on their own understanding until He reveals His truth.
In the meantime, the membership of the church is also struggling for answers, and hopefully, when they don't receive those answers from the church leadership, then they will rely on God to point them to the path they should follow until the day when revelation comes and clarifies things. Which is, as far as I can tell, precisely what you've done.
I know a lot of this is redundant to what you've already said, and what other commenters have said, but I am thinking out-loud, because your posts made me think, and I thought I ought to post the thoughts that I've been thinking in response to your thoughts. Thank you for provoking my thoughts.
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