Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Things I Obsess Over That Will Never Happen As Long As I Continue to Obsess Over Them

1. While holding my son near a rail on a balcony or bridge I will accidentally drop him. Or he will jump out of my arms while I'm not holding tight enough.

2. I will accidentally make an obscenely crude sexual comment in a very inappropriate situation to do so, like when talking to a library patron. An elderly and delicate library patron.

3. I will make an inadvertently racist comment while talking to a Black person. And then try to apologize for it and explain that really I'm not a racist at all, but only manage to dig myself into a deeper hole.

4. I will give into the frequent impulse I have to touch people in inappropriate places. Women more than men, really--it's not sexual at all, just an irrational impulse.

5. I will end a phone conversation with a library patron--or worse, with a potential employer--with "I love you."

6. I will make an incoherent comment in class when I have been nodding in and out of sleep.

7. I will call someone I should know better than I do by the wrong name. (I actually have done this one before.)

8. I will accidentally step on a small child's head and crush it.

9. I will accidentally stab someone--probably a small child and probably in the face--while carrying a knife across the kitchen.

10. I will walk out the door without my pants on and not realize it until I get to work.

9 comments:

playasinmar said...

5. I will end a phone conversation with a library patron--or worse, with a potential employer--with "I love you."

I have witnessed this one personally. It was as funny as it was terrifying.

Lisa said...

Your number one is also one of my fears, especially because we do have a balcony in our house. It makes my legs go wormy just thinking about it.

Mandi said...

Okay #3 ROCKS! Here's a short tale of someone who did just that....

While interviewing a person of color for a job, a friend of ours told said applicant "You'll really like [your boss], he's very nice, but he can be a real slave-driver"

Tolkien Boy said...

I always have this strange fear that I will notice that someone is kissable and then just do it without thinking about consequences.

Seriously.

Th. said...

.

Been there....

Tina said...

#1 and #3 definately. I actually picture the whole scene of #1 any time I am near a balcony. Quite a graffic scene...shudders and chicken skin.

ambrosia ananas said...

I'm terrified that I will one day "accidentally" drop a child off a balcony or down the stairs. And everyone will think it was an accident, and I will know that I did it on purpose.

Chris said...

I had #1 all the time when my kids were babies and toddlers.

I have been on the receiving end of #5. I laughed very, very hard.

John said...

I don't want to know the reasoning for #8. Perhaps having young children makes it more of a possibility?