Saturday, November 24, 2007

Dear The Ram Restaurant & Brewery,

If, despite the fact that you are located all of thirty feet away from student family housing (i.e. where lots and lots of small children live), you feel the need to have a beer garden for every UW football game, with the intent of getting already-irrational football fans stark raving drunk, please keep your drunks caged up until they are sober enough to not throw bicycles into my living room window.

Sincerely,

Mr. Fob



P.S. No, the broken window is not your fault and in fact I have no way of knowing that the culprit was one of your drunks, or even drunk for that matter, but I have to be angry at someone, don't I? And the fact that your drunken football lunatics are still disturbing my peaceful Saturday evening with their yelling and swearing as I write this, you're an awfully convenient target.

12 comments:

Scot said...

Are you sure the culprits weren’t some local feminists you’ve somehow angered? I know when our mail box was blown up my first imagined culprit wasn’t the more reasonable "group of rowdy kids"; it was the "vast anti-gay conspiracy".

Look for a note tied to the bike. I understand sometimes they attach a note to objects thrown through windows.

(man, that sucks)

Mr. Fob said...

Yeah, a note would have made the story more interesting. You do have a good point, though. I'm betting it was a drunk feminist football fan.

playasinmar said...

Marauding feminists are often seen carrying 10-speeds like clubs.

JB said...

Yikes! Good thing those are double-paned windows! That sucks.

Brinestone said...

Think of it this way: free bike!

(Sorry that happened to you guys.)

Mr. Fob said...

Ah, would that we could rejoice in that silver lining, but alas it was Foxy's bike. We usually keep it locked up but I'd unlocked it earlier in the afternoon to get into the storage closet where we keep Christmas decorations, and neglected to relock it.

SenecaSis said...

I'm not defending the stark raving drunk already-irrational football fans--believe me, I've seen the damages of plenty of stark raving drunk any types in the emergency room--but maybe, just maybe, it was someone or some few who were terribly jealous of your cool and neat-o window decorations???

Nah, I didn't think so...

Mr. Fob said...

It actually occurred to me that someone might have been outraged that I'd celebrate Christmas so publicly by putting up lights in my window, but I think jealousy is a much likelier motive.

iwonder said...

I note that you are skillfully combining both your autumn decor in the form of what I assume are paper cut-outs of leaves in festive colours with a Christmas/winter holiday season decoration in the form of a pine/fir/spruce/evergreen tree.

And who said they are "Christmas" lights or even in the shape of a "Christmas" tree - could they not be Chanukah, or Kwanzaa, or early St. Nicholas Day, even Thanksgiving lights?

I think I may put up some Boxing Day lights this year. Hey! Is it my fault that Boxing Day is only a day after Christmas and that most people will assume them to be Christmas lights?

Mr. Fob said...

I'm glad you've recognized my genius in combining my fall and winter decor to reflect the twilight of seasons between Thanksgiving and Winter Solstice. Really, it's not just that I was too lazy to take down the fall leaves before putting up the Christmas lights.

J G-W said...

Major bummer.

Well, who knows if it's the drunken fans. But, strange thing, my best friends live right near the U of Minnesota, and every time there's a big Vikings game, their lawn gets trashed. Heavy, wooden flower beds get turned over (you can't just kick them over, you have to lift them up and purposely up-end them, etc.).

The bicycle thing sounds like drunken fans to me.

ambrosia ananas said...

That stinks.