Tuesday, November 03, 2009

The New Twenty

Upholding the family tradition of displaying the birthday bounty for the camera.

As of 5:43 this evening (Hawaii Standard Time), I am thirty years old. So why am I still smiling? Because I realized today that I simply needed to adjust my standard. See, I was a little worried about turning thirty because my entire life I've heard from old people who wish they could have stopped aging at 29, so I was under the impression that 29 is the pinnacle of human perfection, and then it's all downhill from there. And perhaps that was once the case, but things have changed. This is the twenty-first century. This is not your father's Oldsmobile. Don't believe me? I present as evidence examples from the two most important measuring sticks of American culture: hip-hop music and superhero comics.
  1. In the song "30 Something," rapper Jay-Z declared that "30's the new 20, nigga." And who can argue? Ten years ago, hip-hop was a young man's* game, and today we have people like Jay-Z, Wyclef Jean, Common, the Wu Tang Clan, who are all pushing forty, still putting out albums and being pretty successful. If these old men are still cool, then clearly I am too.
  2. For a good forty or fifty years, Batman and Superman were both generally considered to be 29 years old--the aforementioned pinnacle of human perfection. But by the time I started reading superhero comics in the nineties, that age had been pushed up to 33. Batman's young ward, Robin, was by then in his early twenties, so it simply didn't make sense for his surrogate father to still be 29. In current comics, these brightly-clad ideals of manhood seem to be in their mid-to-late thirties. A product of ever-growing backstories that need to fit in chronologically, but also an acknowledgment that the readership is aging. A couple decades ago, the prevailing logic was that comic book readers wouldn't want to read about protagonists old enough to be their fathers, but the fact now is that most comic book readers are in their twenties and thirties, so it's a non-issue. Finally these men can age. By the time I catch up to Batman and Superman, they'll be at least forty. And if they can still look good in tights, then by golly, so can I!


In conclusion, I may be thirty, but I am still younger than Batman and Jay-Z. Any questions?

*No, I'm not ignoring women, just acknowledging that hip-hop for the most part does.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Stay flu-free with Sinus Rinse™!


(Because Nose Enema™ and Nasal Douche™ didn't test well with the focus groups.)

Friday, October 30, 2009

The Trick to Having a Happy Halloween...

...is to paint a smile on your face.


But beware! If your wife wears an x-ray shirt, revealing that your baby is proportioned like a monkey...


...it might make you cry. And if you cry, your makeup will run.


I hope you have a non-traumatic Halloween!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Fob Bible Updates

I just learned that the Fob Bible is now available as a PDF for only $5.99. You can buy it here. (Note: This is the complete book, as opposed to the PDF sampler that is available for free.)

Also, thanks to Theric for pointing out to me that we got a positive review on Feminist Mormon Housewives, as well as another positive review that the reviewer linked to in the comments on FMH. As we were putting this book together, we were worried that it would be too... eccentric for some tastes, and surely it is for some, but it's great to see that a lot of people really get what we're doing, and like it. And thank you to Chanson for plugging us on Main Street Plaza a couple times now. I (heart) good reviews!

Mayhem of the Music Meister


Have you ever wondered what kind of Batman villain Doogie Howser would be? Wonder no more.

This is without a doubt the funniest, most entertaining animated Batman musical I have ever seen. And I'd say that even if I'd ever seen any other animated Batman musicals. Even if you're not a cartoon person or a superhero person, you really should take 20 minutes to watch this (click on the picture below to watch the episode).


Also, you can buy the soundtrack.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Coming Soon to an eBay Listing Near You

Don't you hate it when you're wearing pants or a skirt without pockets, and you have nowhere to put your things? Do you spend the winter rubbing your hands together because you have no pockets to put them in? Fret no more! Behold, the FobPocketBelt™:


Just slip this baby on over your clothes, and you'll forget you ever didn't have pockets. The adjustable drawstring makes this the ideal accessory for any body shape or size. Act now, and we'll include not just two side pockets, but also a handy butt pocket, complete with fashion tail:


The FobPocketBelt™ is a must have accessory for the practical- and fashion-minded of any age. But that's not all! Are you looking to inject a little zing into your love life? Look no further! The FobPocketBelt™ also doubles as sexy lingerie:

Act now while supplies last!