Sunday, June 21, 2009

It's Like Ten Thousand Spoons When All You Need is a Knife

Back when I was a faithful churchgoing person, my least favorite day of the year to go to church was Fathers' Day. Among other things, I've always been uncomfortable with the hypercodification of gender stereotypes that tends to go with talks about the importance of fathers.

So of course, now that I don't go to church anymore, one of the few days a year when I do go is Fathers' Day, because I figure if my daughter is singing (with the Primary) for me, I ought to be there to hear it. To be honest, the talks bother me less as I distance myself more from the church and become more comfortable in my own role as a parent and human being, but what really made it worth it today--apart from watching S-Boogie being adorable on stage--was the Snickers bar they gave to all the fathers at the end. If they gave out Snickers every week, I might consider reactivating myself.

(Note to my atheist friends: No doubt some faithful member of the church will now offer me a Snickers a week to attend church, so you should consider it your humanist duty to provide me with a counteroffer of, say, two Snickers a week not to go. Let the bidding begin.)


Dad said...

I bid 10 bars a week for you to go back to church!

Please email me your new address and I'll send the first month supply!

Love (and Serious!)


Rebecca said...

I offer you your dignity and self-respect NOT to go to church.


Melyngoch said...

I'll give you a lifetime supply of snickers bars if you come join the True Church of Melyngoch. We skip Fathers Day and make waffles and have a pity party.

Lisa said...

You can have as many snickers as you want in the celestial kingdom. Now get to church! It's called faith.

Yodame said...

Somebody in "Heaven" probably has to bribe "God" with snicker's bars just to keep him from crushing us all like ants out of annoyance :) I realized today that I forgot to wish you a happy Father's Day, so happy (late) Father's Day, sorry.

Sarah said...

Scott was sitting in the foyer Sunday when the Relief Society President and her secretary came in the door with a gallon of milk and boxes of donuts, and were discussing which room the Elders met in.

Scott got up and proceeded to Elders' Quorum, and the sisters entered a few minutes later.(He sheepishly told me this story on the way home from church.:)

I guess I need to tell someone to have treats in there every week!

playasinmar said...

Five bars of soap and a beetle I found in the garden.

Mr. Fob said...

Dad: I'll let you know when I go to church, and then you can send the Snickers. :)

Rebecca: Pfft. Dignity and self-respect are cheap. I want chocolate.

Melyngoch: I'm already a member of the True Church of Melyngoch.

Lisa: Meh. I want Snickers now.

Yodame: Thanks! You get a Snickers.

Sarah: Scott is a smart man.

Playa: You win! But I don't know which side you're on.

SenecaSis said...

I actually think it's funny that they handed out SNICKERS. Almost as if there is some kind of inside feminist joke, or something (knowing that it's the Relief Society that plans the goodies for Father's Day).

Mr. Fob said...

Well if they're laughing at me then I'm definitely not going back.

Melyngoch said...

At my church we never laugh at you.

Tee hee.

I mean, uh, serious face.

Mr. Fob said...

Sure you don't. You laugh when people die.

Berkeley Ward said...


But that's funny.

Mr. Fob said...

Only when Jeff Goldblum dies.