Monday, February 13, 2006

Caramel Chocolates: A Parable

A couple weeks ago, Master Fob was at Smith's picking out some chocolate hearts to buy for Foxy J. There were many options: plain chocolate hearts, chocolate hearts with nuts, white chocolate hearts, and chocolate hearts filled with caramel. Master Fob spent quite some time deliberating. Everybody loves chocolate, but just plain chocolate can be boring. Foxy J likes nuts, but Master Fob is not a big fan, and let's face it, he was buying these chocolates as much for himself as for Foxy (in his defense, he had previously bought her candy Sweethearts, which he detests). Master Fob feels similarly about white chocolate, and he's not too sure how Foxy feels about it, but he loves caramel-filled chocolate and as far as he knows so does Foxy, so ultimately he opted for the caramel. (His decision was also influenced by the mysterious elderly woman--who may or may not have been one of the Three Nephites* in disguise--who told him to get the caramel.)

So Master Fob picked up the caramel-filled chocolate hearts, turned around, and bumped into a man who was arguing with another man. "See?" said Man 1. "He got the caramel ones." Man 1 turned to Master Fob. "You're happy, aren't you?"

"Um," said Master Fob, "yeah, I guess."

"See?" Man 1 said to Man 2. "He's happy. You would be happy too, if you would buy the caramel ones."

Master Fob smiled awkwardly, stepped around the arguing men, and headed for the cash register. He got in line at the register, and the middle-aged woman in front of him quickly hid a bag of white chocolate hearts under her bananas. She flashed a toothy smile, then turned away and avoided looking at Master Fob the rest of the time they were in line. The woman paid for her groceries and scampered away with one final guilty glance back at Master Fob.

While the cashier scanned in Master Fob's caramel-filled chocolate hearts, she stared at him from behind her thick black-rimmed glasses. "I bet you'll think I'm a real loser," she said. She cupped her mouth and dropped her voice to a whisper. "I eat the plain chocolate ones."

Master Fob furrowed his brow, paid for his caramel-filled chocolate hearts, and went on.

Not three feet from the checkout stand, he was stopped by a large man with dissheveled blond hair. The man pointed at Master Fob's caramel-filled chocolate hearts. "Don't judge me, man," the man said. "Just don't judge me, okay? You don't know, man. You don't know what it's like to be allergic to caramel."

"Oh," said Master Fob. "I'm not--I mean--I--uh--I'm sorry."

The man pulled at Master Fob's shirt. "What do you expect me to do, man? I'm allergic, okay? Allergic!" The man slumped down to his knees, still holding Master Fob's shirt in his fists. Tears flowed down his cheeks now, and he used Master Fob's shirt to blow his nose.

Master Fob looked around for help, but saw no one. He gently pulled his shirt away from the man's grasp and left him there sobbing about his allergy to caramel.

Just as Master Fob walked out the exit, thinking he was safe, he was confronted by a green-haired teenager. "Dude!" the kid said, pointing to the caramel-filled chocolate hearts in Master Fob's hand. "You got the caramel ones!"

"Yes!" Master Fob yelled. He'd had enough. "I got the caramel ones, but I don't give a damn what kind of chocolates you get! Just eat whatever kind of chocolate you want and leave me the hell alone!"

"Dude," the green-haired kid said. "I was just gonna say those are my favorites."

The End.

*Apologies to my non-Mormon readers for the inside joke.


TK said...

So-o-o. What happened when you woke up?

Or is this what (you thought) happened after you ATE the carmel chocolates? And are you sure that it was Smiths, you got them from? Is FoxyJ okay - maybe I'd better email her fast and warn her not to taste them . . .

Th. said...


Next, time, get a paper bag. Its opacity should halve the comments you receive.

Cricket said...

Parables usually have a lesson in them. I think I have missed the lesson here...

is it:
Don't judge a man by his chocolate
Don't judge a chocolate by it's man??

Saule Cogneur said...

The world is a silly place isn't it?

Thirdmango said...

I sure sound like one of the two men argueing. I do that with my friends all the time. I would have chosen Vanilla Creme innards.