Sunday, February 10, 2008

Public Service Announcement: Set Your Clocks Back

No, it's not time for daylight savings. In fact, you don't even need to set your clock back an entire hour--just a minute or so. Why, you ask? Dr. Fob will explain:

Did you know that in Australia toilets flush the wrong way? It's for some complicated reason whose details don't really matter. The only thing you need to know is this: Toilets flush counter-clockwise in the norther hemisphere because of the way the Earth rotates. (And, you know, because that's the way God intended it.)

Did you know that if you spin your toilet-cleaning brush clockwise while the toilet flushes, you can make the water flush the wrong way? It's so simple, I can't believe that no one but me has ever ever thought of it in the history of the world. But trust me, no one has.

Did you know that in Superman: The Movie, Superman flies around the Earth so fast that he makes it spin the wrong way, causing time itself to go backwards? He did this to undo Lois Lane's untimely death in one of the most scientifically sound and narratively satisfying action movie climaxes of all time.

So if you felt something strange this afternoon, this is why: I was cleaning my toilet and I made it flush clockwise. Considering that I am in the northern hemisphere, if you've been paying attention then you understand what this means--I made the Earth spin backwards. And of course by now you've followed the trail of infallible logic to conclude that, for the minute or so that my toilet flushed the wrong way, I made time go backwards.

And that is why you need to set your clocks and watches back a minute.

See, kids, science is fun when you understand it as well as I do!

15 comments:

Samantha said...

I only have one question:

Were you wearing your cape when you made time move backwards?

Because if you weren't, I don't think it really counts--regardless of how much you understand science and all that.

Mama said...

Personally, I even feel younger. Thanks!

Potentate said...

It's . . . it's genius.

Miss Hass said...

That explains it.

Absent-minded Secretary said...

So, if all my clocks are six minutes fast, then I didn't really lose that minute... right? Or if I did, I need to set them seven minutes ahead?

throublemaker said...

.

Why didn't my clocks go backward?

Mr. Fob said...

Sam: Considering that I said I was cleaning the toilet, you can take it for granted that I was wearing nothing but a cape.

Mama: Your welcome!

Potentate: Yes, I know.

Miss Hass: Yes, it explains all sorts of things.

Absent: You're making my head hurt. Don't ask such difficult questions.

Throublemaker: Because you have stupid clocks.

[kɹeɪ̯g̊] said...

So that's what it was!

...one of the most scientifically sound and narratively satisfying action movie climaxes of all time.

Well I've always thought so.

Mr. Fob said...

It is a classic.

Rebecca said...

Sorry to burst your superhero bubble, but that thing about toilets flushing/water draining a different direction in different hemispheres? Not true. A widely believed myth. All you have to do is google "coriolis force":

http://www.ems.psu.edu/~fraser/Bad/BadCoriolis.html

http://www.usatoday.com/weather/resources/basics/coriolis-understanding.htm

Samantha said...

I think, if you clean the toilet wearing only a superhero cape, it's true...

Rebecca said...

I stand corrected!

Mr. Fob said...

Dear, naive Rebecca, if only you understood how wrong you are. Yes, it's true that capes are known to have properties that defy the normal laws of physics, but beyond that any good researcher knows to check the credibility of her resources and above all, that she should never ever believe what she reads on the Internet! (Unless she reads it on the Fobcave, of course.) I don't know who these www.ems.psu.edu people think they are, but I got my information from a REAL source: The Simpsons. Mems when Bart called that boy in Australia and had him check the direction of his toilet flush? If that's not straight from the horse's mouth, I don't know what is.

green mormon architect said...

I would be careful wearing a cape near such a powerful toilet. Remember "Splashdown: sucked into a vortex" from the Incredibles: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M68ndaZSKa8

Mr. Fob said...

I'll keep that in mind, but if I didn't wear the cape I'd get cold.