Friday, July 10, 2009

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

Tonight as I was fiddling with my TV antenna, trying to get it in the perfect position to get the best reception, I had a brilliant idea: Body antennas.

Just think about it. The human body is like the best antenna there is. If you don't believe me, touch your TV antenna and see the difference. And what do we do with human bodies when we're done with them? We dump them in the ground. Why not put them to good use? I propose, therefore, that rather than letting dead bodies rot away in graveyards, we convert them into TV antennas.

Cable and satellite, your fifteen minutes of fame are done. Now begins the age of the body antenna.


Yodame said...

Maybe my brother can hook you up. It kinds creeps me out when I call his phone to think that I'm calling the Mortician. It's a good idea but I think you'd have to keep your corpse in some type of briny solution to still get the effect you're looking for.

Lisa said...

When I pass away, I will be your antenna.

Th. said...


This is the best idea EVER.

(or at least since tv itself)

The Weed said...

Corptenna? Carriona?

B.G. Christensen said...

Yodame: I didn't know your brother is a mortician. Score!

Lisa: I'll hold you to that.

Th.: Yes, it is. Though I must give you credit for first having the idea of using human bodies for a similar use, albeit a somewhat different scenario.

Josh: Hey, stop trying to steal my trademark. Patent pending.

Th. said...


Remind me?

Rebecca said...

I predict that if we do this, it will turn out that conducting TV waves will have the unforeseen side effect of reanimating the dead, creating an army of zombies.

The upside: They will be saturated with reality TV, so while they may be obnoxious, they won't be deadly.

B.G. Christensen said...

Th.: You suggested I use clone bodies in my spirit broadcast tower.

Rebecca: I predict your idea will make my idea all the more successful--zombies are The Thing in pop culture right now.

Anonymous said...

(I laughed so hard I cried. Composing self.)

Should we cover the antennae bodies in foil or just use the plain old body? Would formaldehyde have an adverse effect on the reception? Or should I prepare to have a stinky home?

skyeJ said...

Sooo. I have been reading the comments and then saw that my word verification word is "comas". I think it is a sign. I have the solution to your problems of stink.

Coma patients!

Th. said...


Ah, yes, well, we all know how that turned out.

B.G. Christensen said...

hillishilarity: I'm thinking yes on the tin foil, and we'll have to experiment with formaldehyde, see how it works. If not, we'll need some serious air fresheners.

SkyeJ: Great idea! You just need to start working at a hospital again so you can provide me with some.

Th.: We can always try again.

Unknown said...

I think a if a man should open a door for a woman, then why do they think we should have to mow a yard? It isn't that we "can't" it's that we shouldn't have to!! I just finished mowing our yard while my husband played a video game. Now if I were a single mother of two like my mother was a boyfriend would have mowed it. Husbands take wife's for granted is what I have witnessed. It is just rude for a man to ever allow a woman to do a job that God created his body to do!