The G Word

Tonight I went to David Sedaris' The Santaland Diaries at the Salt Lake County Performing Arts Center with my brother and his friend's wife (a setup only slightly more awkward in theory than the time Svoid and I took Melyngoch as our shared non-date to a play because Foxy J had to stay home with a sick S-Boogie, but really neither situation was awkward in practice).

The Santaland Diaries is a one-man show about a guy who gets a job as an elf at Macy's in New York. It's quite amusing, and has a nice quasi-heartwarming moment at the end to temper the cynical sarcasm of the rest of the play.

At one point in the play the elf mentions that one of the other elves he works with is cute, and that he enjoys flirting with him. This is really all you get to tell you that the character is gay--my even mentioning it is making a bigger deal about it than the play does, and I feel like I'm violating the point of such a low-key representation of homosexuality, and my own stance on the matter, by doing so. But I'm getting to a point, and it's that I really like the approach the play takes. The character is gay, and once he establishes that, the audience is aware of it, but it's not at all the point of the play. It just is.

One of the major points of "Getting Out" (see sidebar if you have no idea what I'm referring to) was that I feel that, regardless of one's religious/moral stance on homosexuality, it should be something we can talk about without making a big deal about it. A guy should be allowed to casually mention that he finds another guy attractive.

The problem with this is that there tend to be two extremes: either I'm not going to mention homosexuality at all because it's a dirty secret I have to hide from the world, or I'm going to run around yelling in people's faces, "I'm gay! I'm gay! Ha ha, pooh on you, I'm gay!" In my attempt to avoid the former, I have been accused of the latter. I don't think the accusation was justified, and I told the accuser so, but still I'm concerned because I recognize that it's easy to jump from one extreme to the other.

Here's the thing: Your average straight man doesn't run around yelling, "I'm straight! I'm straight!" (and if he does you can be 98% sure he's not). But, in the course of his everyday conversations, he mentions the girl he's attracted to, or he mentions his wife, or he mentions the dream he had last night about Katie Holmes. Not because he needs to affirm that he is straight, or to rub it in your face, but just because those things are part of who he is. This is why I like the approach Santaland Diaries takes. The character doesn't say, "Look at me, I'm gay"; he just mentions a part of his everyday life that happens to reveal his sexuality as part of who he is. I don't expect anyone to put up with gay people shoving their homosexuality in one's face, but I do think that a gay man should be able to mention, in the course of his everyday conversation, the guy he's attracted to, or his husband, or the dream he had last night about Christian Bale.

This puts me in a strange situation. The fact that I am gay is an integral part of my identity. I am aware of this, either consciously or subconsciously, for a large portion of my day. I claim my right to talk about this part of who I am. At the same time, though, I'm not going to talk about my husband because I happen to have a wife, and I'm not going to talk extensively about the guy I'm attracted to or the dream I had last night about Christian Bale because to do so, I think, would be disrespectful of my wife. Just as any wife, she's aware that I'm attracted to people besides her, but it wouldn't do much for our relationship for me to spend a lot of time talking about who has a cute butt and who has a sexy chest. Which means that, if I choose to talk about the part of my identity that has to do with my attraction to men, I can say, "I am gay." And that's it. And who knows? Maybe by choosing to marry a woman I've given up that right. Maybe I should listen to the people who think I'm an asshole for publishing "Getting Out" and say nothing at all. (Though it's a bit late for that now, and to be honest I have not a single regret about publishing it; I'm just entertaining the possibility that they're right in order to appear openminded.)

Just to be absolutely clear, I'm not complaining. I chose to marry Foxy J because it felt right at the time and I have chosen to stay married to her because it still feels right and because I have weighed my options and decided that this is the choice that will make me and the people I love happiest. And, lest anyone give me a hard time for not stating something I find obvious, I am married to Foxy J because I love her.

I just want you to know that if I seem like I use the G word excessively, it's not that I don't think there are more tactful ways of affirming one's sexual identity, but because I don't think there's a more tactful way for me to affirm my sexual identity.


(And don't forget to come to the party, which has been changed to next Saturday.)

The NEW Blog Party II

Attention, loyal readers:

You are hereby invited to Master and Mistress Fob's second blog party, to be held on Saturday, December 17, 2005 at 7:00 pm at the Fobcave. Dinner will be provided by us. Holiday treats will be provided by you. Entertainment will be provided by S-Boogie. RSVP in the comments section.

Contrary to my previous post, Fob will not be held the same evening as the party, but if you really want us to we will demonstrate the world famous fob-paper-scissors match. And, in lieu of fobbing, I invite attendees to bring and present a piece of holiday poetry (any holiday will do--Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, Atheists Day...). Even if you aren't a poet. But especially if you are, and especially especially if you are a poet known for your public poetry reading skills.

Blog Party II: Fobs United

NOTE: This post is preserved solely for historical purposes. The information in it is entirely inaccurate. Except for the fact that Melyngoch did in fact say six short weeks, not six short weeks and two days.

Attention, loyal readers:

You are hereby invited to Master and Mistress Fob's second blog party, to be held on Thursday, December 15, 2005 at 6:15 pm at the Fobcave. Dinner will be provided by us. Holiday treats will be provided by you. Entertainment will be provided by S-Boogie. RSVP in the comments section.

As per Melyngoch's request, this blog party will be held exactly six short weeks after the last one, and we will honor the day of her birth, which occurred a short twenty-four years and three days before this blog party. I haven't, you know, actually checked with her, but she darn well better be back from Indiana in time to be here.

At 9:15 on this same Thursday night, the next meeting of the world-famous Fob writing group will be held, also in the Fobcave. Depending on how nice you are to Tolkien Boy, editorgirl, and the Marchioness, they just might let you stay to observe the excitement of the rock-paper-scissors match, the thrill of the your mom jokes, and the unending wit and talent of our writing. Or maybe not. I haven't really checked with them, either.

Vote 2005

English PhD or Master's of Library and Information Science?

Regression

Once upon a time, I blogged to avoid real writing. Now I browse Amazon, eBay, and iTunes in order to avoid blogging. Well, not to avoid it so much as to waste time while I'm trying to think of something to post.

FOB

Multiple choice:

a. Fob stands for truth, justice, and the American way.

b. Fob: "v. (to fob) to endure multiple hours of 'your mom' jokes" [definition provided by editorgirl]

c. Fob: v. (to fob) to critique others' writing and to have one's own writing critiqued in the Fob writing group

d. Fob: an all-purpose word--can be a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, or, occasionally, a preposition--used to mean just about anything, much like smurf. For example, "It's a fobby day, isn't it, Papa Fob?" or "No fobbing way!" or "Fob over here right now, before I fob you in the fob."

e. Fob: a prefix used to describe all things pertaining to Master Fob, i.e. the Fobcave, the Fobmobile, the Fobarang, and the Fobtoothbrush^TM.

f. Fob: The Friends of Master Fob, a term referring specifically to the elite group of writers who are currently or ever have been in Master Fob's writing group and generally to anyone who professes amicable feelings toward the master of fobbiness. A brief history of Fob (pre-eg & Marchioness) can be found in this longish post.

g. all of the above

Please Schedule Your Protest With the Dean of Students

From BYU's Newsnet:

University Police were called to disband a dozen students protesting the Iraq war, Wednesday, during a Student Honor Association-sponsored activity honoring the military.

[...]

Associate Dean of Students Jonathan Kau arrived at the request of the Student Association to tell the demonstrators to disband because they were imposing their dialogue on others.

“They didn’t have the right to be there,” Kau said. “They were detracting from the ROTC and honors group. It was never intended to shut them down just for the protest’s sake but more because they were disrupting the legitimately scheduled event.”

[...]

“Their cause was important enough that they didn’t have to follow the rules,” Kau said. “That doesn’t justify it in our minds.”

University policy requires permission from the Dean of Students for all events of public expression. According the Dean of Students Web site, “Brigham Young University encourages responsible non-disruptive public expressions as part of its intellectual climate.”

If I were still a student I'd be tempted to contact the Dean of Students and schedule a war protest.