An Open Letter to the Property Managers of Seattle

Dear Property Managers and Owners,

First of all, I would like to thank you for your concern for me and my family. It is very kind of you to consider our situation from our point of view, acknowledging that it is never wise to sign a lease before you have seen the apartment you're signing for. It's nice of you to not want us to get trapped in an apartment that we will end up not liking.

I would like to say, though, that if you continue being nice in this way, my family and I will not have a place to live once we get to Seattle. You see, we have neither the time nor money to fly there now and go apartment-hunting. We have accepted that all we have to go on is the little information you can give us online or by phone. And we're okay with that. If we're stuck in a crappy place for a year, we'll survive. At least it'll be something.

So please, I beg of you, let us give you our money. We really want to. Even if the place is old and run-down. Even if we'll be surrounded by loud college students. Even if the neighbors sometimes set off fireworks in the middle of November. We're grown-ups. We'll deal.

Thank you. Have a nice day. I'll put the check in the mail as soon as you tell me I can.

Sincerely,

Master Fob