Pransky on Commitment

People make a commitment in order to enjoy someone or something, not because they already enjoy someone or something. Distraction and ambivalence tell you your commitment is weak. Commitment is a stance toward life, a predisposition to get the most out of each experience by dismissing thoughts and reactions that detract from its value.

--George S. Pransky, The Relationship Handbook

Pransky compares commitment in marriage to a man watching a movie. If he spends his time wondering whether he's chosen the right movie or whether he should have watched the comedy playing down the hall, he's not going to enjoy the movie. If he puts all those thoughts aside, though, and focuses his attention on the movie he's watching, he's more likely to enjoy it.

I think this pretty much describes the difference between my attitude toward my relationship with FoxyJ for the year or two leading up to our separation and my attitude in the months since we've gotten back together. Yes, there are likely many other people in the world--men and women--with whom I could have had a wonderfully satisfying relationship. But I've also had a wonderfully satisfying relationship with FoxyJ, when I've been undistracted enough to recognize it. Commitment isn't about being a slave to a promise you made when you were young and naive; it's an attitude that allows you to enjoy what you have. You can trade in what you have for something else, but as long as your attitude doesn't change, you won't be any happier--and when what you "have" is a person who's likely to be extremely hurt by said trading in, you're better off learning to change the attitude before you make the trade than after.