Support a Good Cause--It Only Takes 30 Seconds!

I am starting an online petition to make online petitions illegal. I'm doing this mainly because online petitions are stupid and no online petition in the history of online petitions has ever accomplished anything. As you can see below, I've already gotten several people to sign my petition, and you know that they're real people who really support this cause because their names are printed on an electronic form and no one would be devious enough to just write random names on an electronic form. What you need to do, dear reader, is copy this entire post into an email, add your name, and forward it to everyone in your address book, because of course everyone in your address book supports all the same social and political causes you do and absolutely loves to get online petitions forwarded from you. Then, magically, all the variant forms of this petition floating around in email land will make it back to me, and I'll compile the list of redundant names and forward it to my state representative, who will in turn have no choice but to concede to the authority of the online petition. Thank you for taking time to support this noble cause.

1. Ben Christensen
2. Mr. Fob
3. Joe Schmoe
4. John Doe
5. Janet Jackson
6. Your Mom
7. Humphrey Bogart
8. Bruce Wayne
9.