1. While holding my son near a rail on a balcony or bridge I will accidentally drop him. Or he will jump out of my arms while I'm not holding tight enough.
2. I will accidentally make an obscenely crude sexual comment in a very inappropriate situation to do so, like when talking to a library patron. An elderly and delicate library patron.
3. I will make an inadvertently racist comment while talking to a Black person. And then try to apologize for it and explain that really I'm not a racist at all, but only manage to dig myself into a deeper hole.
4. I will give into the frequent impulse I have to touch people in inappropriate places. Women more than men, really--it's not sexual at all, just an irrational impulse.
5. I will end a phone conversation with a library patron--or worse, with a potential employer--with "I love you."
6. I will make an incoherent comment in class when I have been nodding in and out of sleep.
7. I will call someone I should know better than I do by the wrong name. (I actually have done this one before.)
8. I will accidentally step on a small child's head and crush it.
9. I will accidentally stab someone--probably a small child and probably in the face--while carrying a knife across the kitchen.
10. I will walk out the door without my pants on and not realize it until I get to work.
5. I will end a phone conversation with a library patron--or worse, with a potential employer--with "I love you."
ReplyDeleteI have witnessed this one personally. It was as funny as it was terrifying.
Your number one is also one of my fears, especially because we do have a balcony in our house. It makes my legs go wormy just thinking about it.
ReplyDeleteOkay #3 ROCKS! Here's a short tale of someone who did just that....
ReplyDeleteWhile interviewing a person of color for a job, a friend of ours told said applicant "You'll really like [your boss], he's very nice, but he can be a real slave-driver"
I always have this strange fear that I will notice that someone is kissable and then just do it without thinking about consequences.
ReplyDeleteSeriously.
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ReplyDeleteBeen there....
#1 and #3 definately. I actually picture the whole scene of #1 any time I am near a balcony. Quite a graffic scene...shudders and chicken skin.
ReplyDeleteI'm terrified that I will one day "accidentally" drop a child off a balcony or down the stairs. And everyone will think it was an accident, and I will know that I did it on purpose.
ReplyDeleteI had #1 all the time when my kids were babies and toddlers.
ReplyDeleteI have been on the receiving end of #5. I laughed very, very hard.
I don't want to know the reasoning for #8. Perhaps having young children makes it more of a possibility?
ReplyDelete