EQ Lesson Part II

I decided to teach a lesson on fatherhood, as that is something that has been on my mind a lot lately.

It all started when I clicked a link on Hotmail a couple weeks ago about working dads. "I am a working dad," I thought. "And who ever talks about working dads? Everyone makes a big deal about working mothers, but, hey, I have angst too!" And as it turns out, I'm not alone. The article mentions a book, Working Fathers, which the Orem Library is now adding to its collection, and I found another at the library called Father Courage: What Happens When Men Put Family First. I haven't read the former yet, but the latter is excellent. The author talks about men who, in the wake of the feminist revolution, are saying, "If women can be mothers and work, then by golly, so can I." (Except for the part of being a mother that requires that one be a woman, which leads these men--save the few who can afford the expensive operation--to settle for being fathers and working.)

The books talk about the challenges men who want to be more actively involved with their kids face, whether it be from their bosses putting pressure on them to spend more time at work (which I don't relate to because my immediate supervisors are quite happy to give me sick leave when my daughter is in the hospital and my higher-up supervisors--the ones who make hiring decisions--are quite determined to keep me as a part-time assistant librarian, thus ensuring I have a lot of time to spend with S-Boogie) or the simple challenge of getting past our own stereotypes of what fathers do or don't do. I do relate to this second one. I've found, for instance, that despite my best intentions, I let myself slip into the mindset of "I'm the man, and I go to work every day, so it's all right if I don't spend as much time with my daughter as I should or if I let my wife do all the housework." By default Foxy J is the one who knows when S-Boogie's doctor's appointments are and when she needs to take medicine and when we need to buy more diapers. It bugs me, but more often than not I'm too lazy to do things I know J will do if I don't.

So instead I read books about how to be a good father in hopes that once I've got it figured out I'll magically change. As my friend Thmazing points out about falling short of our visions of perfect fathering, though, "even at, oh, 70%, it beats not fathering."

At any rate, we didn't talk about any of this stuff in my lesson today. But it went well. All six quorum members present participated, and we had a good discussion about what it takes to be a good father. And bringing home the bacon was pretty low on that list. So among my many shortcomings, I will worry the least about the fact that I bring home very little bacon.