tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14843205.post115527513351186210..comments2023-11-05T03:52:09.095-07:00Comments on The Fobcave: Falling in Love OR Still Staying, a follow-up essay to "Staying In" and a response to some of the ideas being thrown around latelyB.G. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01604354633985676126noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14843205.post-1156714210294557362006-08-27T15:30:00.000-06:002006-08-27T15:30:00.000-06:00Okay, Anonymous, if it makes you feel better, I'm ...Okay, Anonymous, if it makes you feel better, I'm bi. <BR/><BR/>Cheers.B.G. Christensenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01604354633985676126noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14843205.post-1156710842619675492006-08-27T14:34:00.000-06:002006-08-27T14:34:00.000-06:00Being gay is not only about sexual feelings, it's ...Being gay is not only about sexual feelings, it's also about who you fall in love with. A gay man can love a woman, but a gay man is not going to fall in love with a woman, no matter what. A gay man's mind and feelings just won't allow it to happen. So if you are in love with your wife, you are not gay, you're bi. The fact that you have two children prove that as well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14843205.post-1155899467098827572006-08-18T05:11:00.000-06:002006-08-18T05:11:00.000-06:00Ben, you made me cry in in the cyber today. I lik...Ben, you made me cry in in the cyber today. I like this post because I know it's all true, I've seen it in action.skyeJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10701849212238520830noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14843205.post-1155667807793920482006-08-15T12:50:00.000-06:002006-08-15T12:50:00.000-06:00The man I married is quite different from the one ...The man I married is quite different from the one I'd always envisioned (in fact, I clearly recall vowing on many occasions NEVER to marry a cowboy). I loved your post because, even in heterosexual relationships, you can look outside the relationship you have and dream of what you think you want. <BR/><BR/>For example, my husband has zero interest in literature, and I often wonder what it would be like to review and critique books with my partner in life. I long for that, but must acknowledge that, with this man, it's never going to happen.<BR/><BR/>There are compensations, however. Though he doesn't understand many of my motivations and I don't understand his (since we got the DVR on the TV, we rarely watch the same television shows), I've never met anyone who I relate to better, who is so accepting of the person I am. Even more, the gaps in what I know or can do are filled up by his own experiences--so together, we can do anything.<BR/><BR/>I chose my life with him and, though there are other lives which may have also made me happy, I wouldn't trade what I have with him for the supposed thrill of trying to find myself in another life. <BR/><BR/>Anyway, thanks.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09413777557796110450noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14843205.post-1155535103926484552006-08-13T23:58:00.000-06:002006-08-13T23:58:00.000-06:00Beautiful! Your best writing yet! It also eviden...Beautiful! Your best writing yet! It also evidences your maturity, wisdom, and good taste in friends and companions!TKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09649729044618999452noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14843205.post-1155481013604348792006-08-13T08:56:00.000-06:002006-08-13T08:56:00.000-06:00Ben, this is a beautiful post. I hope I don't dist...Ben, this is a beautiful post. I hope I don't distract from its beauty and power in any way.<BR/><BR/>Attractants are just attractants. I have about 30 attractants in my being. For example, my body jumps when I see a lean cowgirl in an older model pickup. My spirit leaps when a powerful spiritual woman speaks. My mind wants the company of a man or woman who is able to discuss deep subjects. And the list of attractants goes on.<BR/><BR/>I have loved three men and five women (not counting my children) in my life so far. The attractants focused my attention but I made the decisions. I deeply miss the men and women whom I love but distance and time separate us. I deeply enjoy the company of my Sweetheart Forever. I remain true to myself because I choose, in spite if attractions and distractions, what my path is.<BR/><BR/>Very best wishes to you and your family,<BR/>Bob MillwardAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14843205.post-1155426939117269812006-08-12T17:55:00.000-06:002006-08-12T17:55:00.000-06:00I have nothing useful to say except that this post...I have nothing useful to say except that this post made me happy, which actually isn't useful. But I'm happy.<BR/><BR/>(It also almost made me cry, but that's not useful either.)Melyngochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07894183958877193588noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14843205.post-1155394187161633242006-08-12T08:49:00.000-06:002006-08-12T08:49:00.000-06:00Beautiful. And reassuring. Wonderful post...Beautiful. And reassuring. Wonderful post...Karihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16071064325052924035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14843205.post-1155369519324309682006-08-12T01:58:00.000-06:002006-08-12T01:58:00.000-06:00Master Fob, I'm so glad you share your story. It's...Master Fob, I'm so glad you share your story. It's a beautiful one.JBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08600619121118216535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14843205.post-1155362037904429142006-08-11T23:53:00.000-06:002006-08-11T23:53:00.000-06:00Okay, this is a total aside from you lovely post. ...Okay, this is a total aside from you lovely post. Sorry. <BR/><BR/>th. We need to chat about that hometown stuff. Did we go to elementary school together? Cause I don't remember that, only Tanner and I tried to do the math and it seems we would have. All I really remember is when you were engaged and we knew each other through the lovely Miss Nem and your cute bride. Why don't you visit my blog and enlighten me. I sincerely hope that you were not one of the many fifth grade boys I married on the playground when I was eight. Cause that would be awkward.AmyJanehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02110725642243839603noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14843205.post-1155338088079508382006-08-11T17:14:00.000-06:002006-08-11T17:14:00.000-06:00.I would just like to point out that Amyjane and I....<BR/><BR/>I would just like to point out that Amyjane and I have the same hometown and I've known her since 2000 and only last month did I learn that tidbit--from her brother, no less.<BR/><BR/>Which could be turned into a metaphor and made relevant to your post, but I'm too lazy at the moment.<BR/><BR/>But I'll start by thanking you for the post, as it was excellent and true and about sums up many things I wish I could have said and thus take the credit for.<BR/><BR/>I'm always astonished at how unwilling so many are to allow others their bliss--and I know you have bliss because I've seen you swim in it too many times to doubt its existence.<BR/><BR/>As for refalling in love, I just had a thought. But watch out, kind people, I'm about to compare love and poop. (This being the sort of thing I do.)<BR/><BR/>Let's start this ugly analogy with a what if:<BR/><BR/><I>What if</I> love is like poop? You know how when you step into a smelly restroom--not overwhelmingly smelly, mind you, but <I>something</I> is lingering...? And after a while, your olifactories adjust and the smell disappears? And then you take your crap and are struck anew by the unpleasantness of that old poop smell?<BR/><BR/>Maybe love is like that.<BR/><BR/>Maybe it's not that we're falling in and out of love. Maybe it's that we are getting too used to being in love, and it takes a further drop into the Abyss of Love to remind us how it feels.<BR/><BR/>.<BR/><BR/><BR/>Shoot. That would have made a great svithe.<BR/><BR/>And it proves why I will never make much money with love poetry....<BR/><BR/>Nice follow up to the original pair, by the way.<BR/><BR/>I do feel left out that I didn't get to offer editorial advice before publication this time though....Th.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16460795570237872290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14843205.post-1155326000103848922006-08-11T13:53:00.000-06:002006-08-11T13:53:00.000-06:00This was a beautiful post. Thank you.This was a beautiful post. Thank you.Chrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05940646193920094814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14843205.post-1155317788892957632006-08-11T11:36:00.000-06:002006-08-11T11:36:00.000-06:00Dr. Barlow, an MFHD prof at BYU teaches similar le...Dr. Barlow, an MFHD prof at BYU teaches similar lesson regarding all marriage. He says it's important to recognize every day that you ALWAYS have the option to leave, that no one is forcing your hand in marriage. He says it's important that each person choose to stay every day, in any marriage. That way, you have no one to lay blame on when things aren't perfect.AmyJanehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02110725642243839603noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14843205.post-1155313054849861632006-08-11T10:17:00.000-06:002006-08-11T10:17:00.000-06:00That's one of the things about love that I really ...That's one of the things about love that I really just didn't understand when I was younger--that good marriages work out more because people fall back in love with each other over and over again than because they are in a state of constant lovingness for each other. It's one of the things my marriage prep teacher said, also, "Prepare to fall out of love with your spouse, but be prepared to fall back in love with them again" making some mention of the importance of focusing on falling in love with the spouse again instead of someone else.<BR/><BR/>Anyways, not sure what the point of this comment is...your post just really made me want to comment.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12990350728102036013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14843205.post-1155311708406707012006-08-11T09:55:00.000-06:002006-08-11T09:55:00.000-06:00The analogy that I've always used is a puzzle. We ...The analogy that I've always used is a puzzle. We spend a lot of time trying to find the pieces that make up who we are. Everyone has their own place, though some are bigger than others. <BR/>I think you beautifully expressed the things that keep us in our relationships/marriages. The option to go makes my desire to stay so much stronger. The trouble comes when you decide that you are tied down and look for an escape....that's mostly perspective I suppose. And perspective changes from moment to moment. Thanks for such an eloquent reminder of the realities of it all.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14843205.post-1155311352452984482006-08-11T09:49:00.000-06:002006-08-11T09:49:00.000-06:00And, as Alanis Morissette points out, even educate...And, as Alanis Morissette points out, <A HREF="http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/de-lovely/letsdoitletsfallinlove.htm" REL="nofollow">even educated fleas do it</A>.B.G. Christensenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01604354633985676126noreply@blogger.com